The Do's and Don'ts of Dating

This isn't something that I was planning on writing about...

 When this idea popped into my head I immediately said no. I'm not qualified to write about this, I thought. "I don't know how relationships work. I'm in my first real relationship and I'm only a month in... Definitely not qualified to write about this..."





But then I kept seeing it. Over and over again, the same thing. All of my friends, falling into the same trap. I may not be qualified enough to write about this but it's something that I believe needs to be known in this generation. I can't keep sitting here and watching so many great girls get eaten alive in this cycle.

I've seen so many of my closest friends fall into this obsession with love. No, not even love, just the idea of having a boyfriend. They put SO much value into having the title of being a girlfriend or being "relationship goals" and I've watched it consume their minds. We go out to eat and all they can talk about it the problems they are having with this one guy who they think they may be "talking" to but they aren't entirely sure. The next time they've given up on that guy and are trying to find the next one. It's so consuming to them and it's become where they place their entire value.

Let me tell you something about dating. There are two outcomes in dating

1. You get married
         OR
2. You break up.

It's that simple.

And that's why it's SO important to do it right!

Girls get so obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend that if they find out that any guy at all has made any sort of sign that they are attracted to them, they immediately add them on snapchat with intentions of getting a boyfriend.

Don't get me wrong, these girls have good intentions, all they want is love, but sister that ain't how you find it.

As soon as they realize that the jerk they added on snapchat wants nothing but to sleep with them, they continue the search to see who else thinks they looked hot at a party last week.

It's just a cycle that they continue to fall into over and over again. Little by little it's breaking them and they don't even realize it.

When you give yourself away (and I'm not just talking about sex) to that many boys you spread yourself so thin. You not only start to give up on the idea of a 'good guy' but you start to give up on yourself as a woman. The "I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, maybe I deserve a jerk because they seem to be the only ones interested in me" thoughts start to race in. Soon you start settling. You start settling for guys you were never really into in the first place and you start settling to do something that you never wanted to do because "Hey, that's how everyone else gets a boyfriend." Right?

WRONG

Sister, that is not how it works!

Dating is SO important. Dating is how you find your husband, someone who you become one with, representing Christ and His church. It's a beautiful thing but not if you go about it in such a detrimental way.

I had been single for a long time, 19 years to be exact, and I'm still trying to figure out how to do this whole relationship thing. Like I said, I'm not qualified to write this because I've never had these experiences before but I've seen my friends get eaten alive by them. I may not know from experience, but I do know what the Bible says about dating, so if you've found yourself falling into this same detrimental cycle, here are the Do's and Don'ts I've learned to follow when looking for Mr. Right.

1. Set Standards

This is something that I remember doing in children's church one time when I was probably only 8 years old. We cut out the shape of a boy from a piece of paper (his name was Mr.Right) and numbered on it 1-10. In each of the numbers we wrote out a set of standards for what we want in our future husbands. Of course, me being 8 years old I wrote stuff like, has hair like Zac Efron, lots of muscles, loves Harry Potter... But you get the idea. 

Write this down. I know you say that you have your standards in your mind and you know what you want and what you don't want, but sometimes when your desperate for attention or for love, it's easy to settle without even realizing it. When you have a list written down it's so much easier to see if the guy that's into you fits your description of Mr.Right. If he isn't Mr.Right, then he isn't for you. It's as simple as that.

Some examples of things I've written on my list:

Loves God more than he loves me.

Good leadership skills.

Wants to save sex until marriage.

Is as goofy as I am.

Etc...

2. Don't Expect Change

This goes hand in hand with setting standards. You may set standards and this guy that you've found seems perfect. He fits all of them but two or three. Maybe this guy seems perfect, but he smokes or maybe he doesn't have a relationship with God, or he doesn't want to wait until marriage. 

It is so easy to believe that you can change these little things and create the perfect boyfriend. That isn't how it works sister. This ain't build-a-boyfriend. You can't just accept the things you want and change the things you don't. A guy may say that he'll change for you, but that's the first warning sign. He shouldn't want to change his bad habits just for you, he should want to change them for God first, and then himself and you. 

I've always said "don't believe it until you see it." If he says he's going to change and you really believe him. Don't date him. Wait. If he's your Mr.Right, let him change on his own time and if he's really the one for you he'll come back to you, but don't expect that you can be able to change him.

I've seen so many girls get with guys that don't want to wait till marriage to have sex. She says that she'll change him but a few months later she realizes that he's changed her. 

3. Do Not Search

It is not your job to find a boyfriend. That is not your purpose. As much as you may believe it, that is not what you were created to do. 

You were created to love and to serve an incredible God. If you really want to find a Godly man, stop looking for him. In fact, the Bible even says that it's the man who finds his wife, not the other way around.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."

-Proverbs 18:22

I've heard this said SO many times and I'm sure you have to, but there is so much truth to it. Your job is to love Jesus and to chase after Him alone. If your Mr.Right is out there somewhere, I can guarantee that he'll be doing the same thing. If you want to find a Godly man, don't chase after the man, chase after God. If he's chasing after God too, one day you'll run into each other on the way there. Then you can continue to chase after God together and that's such a beautiful thing.

4. A Godly Man VS A Christian Boy

I won't go into too much of a rant about this one because I've already written a post about it that you can read here-

A Godly Woman VS A Christian Girl

This is still just as important as the rest. Always remember the difference between a Christian Boy and a Godly Man, but keep in mind that your Godly Man is probably looking for a Godly Woman, not just a Christian Girl.

5. Singleness is a Beautiful Thing

I can not stress this enough. I was single for 19 years, trust me, I know what I'm talking about when it comes to singleness. I realize that it's hard to be single when all of your friends have what seems like perfect relationships. Trust me, I've been there. For four years I sat back and watched all of my best friends go on all these cute dates and I was permanently known as the 9th wheel.

It can be hard to be single, but one thing that has helped me stay strong through it all has been praying for my future husband. I've already written about this as well, so if you want to read more about that feel free:

Praying for My Husband

Being single is actually an awesome thing.

Being single is the perfect time to draw nearer to God. It's just you and God and it's so beautiful. This is your time to figure out who you are. This is your time to become a strong independent woman and to strengthen your relationship with Christ in order to prepare yourself for your Godly man one day. 

Let me just tell you, it's an incredible thing to wait for the man God has for you. When you finally find him it will be such a special thing, knowing you've waited for him, knowing you haven't been giving yourself away to anyone who's the least bit interested.

So sister, be patient. I know it can be hard, but it is so worth it because God has your Mr.Right out there somewhere.