Just the other day I was at an event that the college ministry I attend was putting on. I was in a room full of people I knew, full of people I loved, full of people I live life alongside, but I somehow still felt alone. I look around and see everyone laughing together, having great conversations, and enjoying their time with each other. I bee-bop around visiting each little group of people. All the while feeling a little like the odd one out, not wanting to interrupt their conversation but so desperately wanting to contribute something, anything to feel like I belong too.
Can you relate to this?
This happens to me a lot whether it's at sorority events, in class, even at a dinner with some of my closest friends, I can't seem to escape this feeling of un-belonging. My mind is consumed with what they are thinking about me. "I shouldn't have said that" "They probably think I'm weird now" "Ooh maybe I should say this next" "What would they think if I said this" "Wow Hannah that wasn't even funny, way to go." These thoughts so often swarm my mind even when I'm surrounded by some of my favorite people in some of the safest of places.
I so often think, what am I doing wrong? Why can't I be that loud outgoing girl who runs the whole show? Why can't I come up with a funny joke? Why didn't I say that first? Why don't people want to talk to me?
When we have these thoughts we can so often call it insecurity and host our own little lonely pity party, but do you know what I think it is? I don't think it's insecurity at all, in fact, I think it's quite the opposite. I think it all comes from a place of pride.
Who are we to believe that everybody else's agenda has to revolve around us feeling secure?
Ultimately that's what we are seeking when we have those feelings of loneliness and of emptiness in a room full of people. We are looking towards the affirmation of others to makes us feel relevant. We are looking for attention from the group to make us feel wanted.
Sister, this is not how we are called to live!
The reality is, as Christians we don't need anyone to be wanted, to be relevant, to be loved, to be fulfilled. We already have this from Jesus!
Jesus says we are loved. He says we are cherished. He says we are wanted. He says we are needed. He says we are important.
I know what you're thinking, yeah that's an amazing truth but how can I possibly live that out? How can I escape from these feelings of unnecessary loneliness?
Well, here's what I do...
Every time I go somewhere that I know I could run into the possibility of feeling alone in a crowded room I pause. I sit in my car before I go in and I read Ephesians 3:16-19 out loud...
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
After I've finished reading it, I pray it out loud specifically for the situation I'm about to face...
God, I pray that out of your glorious riches that you would strengthen me with power through your Spirit in my inner most being as I go into this class. I pray that you would dwell in my heart through faith and that I would be rooted and established in love so that I need not seek it from elsewhere. I pray that I would have the power, together with all of your holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is your love and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge, I pray that I would be filled to the measure of all of your fullness.
Amen
Friends, do not underestimate the power of prayer. Praying this into existence before I go into a situation that I know my pride could make me feel a false sense of loneliness has completely changed the way I approach every situation.
Having the confidence in knowing that we are already full and that we don't need anything from anybody else gives us so much power! It gives us the power to stop focusing on ourselves and what others should be doing for us and to start focusing on others and how we can encourage them, serve them, and lift them up, filling them with the very fullness of God this is already established within us!
So go to that party, or that dinner, or that event and walk in boldly with a confidence in knowing that you are SO loved. Make it a point to go into that room looking for those who are struggling and pour into them with that very love the you have already been filled to the brim with.
That is a fullness that can never run out. A fullness that can make us never feel lonely again. A fullness that can change your life thus changing the lives of those around you.
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