Hey guys... It's been a while.
I've just finished my first semester of college and it's been amazing, but it's also been rather silent. Allow me to explain...
The past few months I've met sooo many new people, some of them have become my best friends, some my mentors, and some, if we're being completely honest, I could deal without.
All this time I've refrained from writing, from sharing my blog, my stories, my testimony, with all the new people that I've become aquatinted with. I've been silent. I've been watching. I've been praying. I've been seeking God's face in the stillness of early morning quiet times all by myself. Honestly, I've been scared.
I was scared of what all my new friends would think of me. In high school it was easy, I had four best friends that loved Jesus as much as I did. I had friends who shared the same view as me, who had the same morals as me. In college, everything is different.
You see, growing up in one of those towns where when people ask where you live you just say somewhere near by because you know they'll have no idea where your talking about, anyways, growing up in one of those kinds of towns, I've never really faced persecution. I've always told myself that I would go to the ends of the Earth to share the gospel with all nations no matter the persecution I may have to face. You see, this is incredibly easy to say when you've never seen the persecution before. Like I said, in college everything is different because you don't know.
You don't know everyone's life story like you did in high school. You don't know why people are the way they are. You don't know who's hurting on the inside and who's not. A lot of the times you don't know who knows Jesus and who doesn't. One of my biggest struggles is that I want everyone to like me, and that's why I was scared.
I was scared that if I shared my faith, if I shared my blog, If I shared my testimony, that people would think badly of me. I was afraid they would judge me. I was afraid they wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. I was afraid of persecution so, I stayed silent, and I was so mad at myself for doing this.
But friends, here's the thing... Are you ready for this?
It's okay to be afraid.
God knows we are going to get scared from time to time. Why else do you think the Bible would tell us "do not be afraid" 365 different times? Fear itself is not the enemy. Do NOT dog yourself for an emotion that you can't control. It's okay to be afraid. It's human to be afraid.
What happens next is where the problem lies. What are you doing about that fear? Are you listening to the 365 different times God tells us not to fear, or are you letting the fear bury you? Are you letting it hold you captive and prevent you from bringing Glory to the Kingdom of God? Because I was..
But, this is me finally listening to God. This is me saying good riddance to the fear of persecution. This is me saying "Bye Felicia" to the fear of not being accepted. This is God making me brave. This is God showing me that he loves me so abundantly that no one else's love will ever be able to amount to anything even remotely close. This is me finally listening.
Although I may have been silent my first semester of college, I've learned quite a bit. I've learned that no, not everyone is going to like me for who I am but, some people will. I've gotten involved with a church called City Church and their college ministry. I've felt at home since the moment I stepped through the doors of House on South during welcome week. I've felt so loved and so accepted. I've also unexpectedly gained a new Christian mentor/sister/bestest friend. Their fellowship and guidance has helped keep me strong. It's helped make me brave. Even though I've been silent, I've been learning. I've been studying the Word and I've been praying even if it wasn't out in the open.
In my season of silence God has made me stronger. He has given me knowledge, and grown my faith and trust in him more abundantly than ever.
And now that I'm ready... He has finally made me brave.
So if whoever is reading this right now is one of my new college acquaintances, Hello! This is me. I've been broken, I've been scared, and I've been silent, but this is me. I am a child of God and it's about time that I start screaming it from the mountains again because without God I am nothing. Without God I am silent. BUT with God I am roaring like a lion, scared but trusting in Him, ready to tell it to that masses, that He is God.
So here it is, my first blog post in over 4 months but I'm back, I'm brave, and with God by my side, I'm better than ever.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
It's good to be back, I'll talk to you soon (I promise this time.)
-Hannah
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